The story behind Neil Diamond’s legendary song “I Am…I Said.”

Neil saw the song as a reflection of his hopes, aspirations, and personality.

Neil Diamond auditioned in 1970 for the lead part in a film about comic Lenny Bruce. Although he did not earn the part, he wrote the legendary song “I Am…I Said.”

Neil Diamond’s “I Am…I Said” was the first of his hits to express his true feelings, unlike his prior character songs or universal love songs. It was difficult to get to that stage. Diamond was serious about going into movies in 1970, despite having done virtually little acting up to that point. When producer Marvin Worth approached him about a Lenny Bruce biopic, he poured himself into it, playing a complete set of standup comedy at The Bitter End West in West Hollywood. (To fans’ enduring chagrin, no recordings of this have ever surfaced.

By all accounts, Diamond performed admirably at the audition, but the incident left him shaken. For one thing, Bruce’s mother, Sally Marr, was there. Diamond was troubled when he spoke the words of a deceased artist in front of his mother.

For another, Bruce’s material is far more risqué than Diamond’s, and, as the song later stated, he was “not a man who likes to swear.” He later told Rolling Stone, “He was simply saying all the things I’d been holding in. It was all of my pent-up wrath. Suddenly, I was speaking words I had never said before. His angry monologues and actions. And I went to therapy almost immediately after that.”

Writing the song was therapeutic and stemmed from a period of introspection. He discussed this in a handful of 2008 interviews, telling Mojo that the song “was consciously an attempt on my part to express what my dreams were about, what my aspirations were about, and what I was about.” And without a doubt, it sprang from my sessions with the therapist.” The phrase also alluded to the sensation of dislocation he felt after leaving his hometown of New York City for Los Angeles, where he still felt like an outsider. In a separate interview with Q, he acknowledged that it was still difficult for him to compose himself after performing the song, decades after creating it.

Diamond claimed “Heartlight” took an hour to write, but “I Am…I Said” was not among them. In fact, he’s often referred to it as the most difficult song he’s ever composed, requiring four months of consistent effort. Even the song’s complex rhyme scheme made it tough to finish: “I wrote the first verse, and when it came time to write the second, I had to use the same format, and the first verse was so sophisticated that it was practically impossible to write that form when I came to the second. It had to follow the same rhyming rhythm.”

The hard work paid off: “I Am…I Said” was released in March 1971 and became a radio fixture for months, finally hitting its chart peak in May. “I Am…I Said” was also the first Neil Diamond song to appear on the same album twice. It opens and closes the 1971 album Stones, which could be called his homage to the singer-songwriter movement. With only three original songs, Stones found him interpreting classic numbers by Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell, and Randy Newman. Stones opened with the single version of “I Am..I Said” and closed with a reprise, which begins with the second verse and continues after the single fades, with Diamond shouting “I am!” with only strings for accompaniment. Rolling Stone reviewer Paul Gambaccini singled this moment out, calling it “as touching as the single itself.”

The 1972 live CD Hot August Night may have the definitive version of “I Am…I Said”. Though it was the penultimate song of his main concert, it is more personal than the hit, opening with just an acoustic guitar and never reaching the expected crescendo. Diamond’s voice captures all of the emotional agony that inspired the song, as well as the toughness and confidence that resulted.